If you have miscarried, invite mourners to give to a foundation that supports mothers going through miscarriage. Debby Mayne is an etiquette expert and writer with 25+ years of experience. Usually, but not always, the child attends the funeral of a parent or sibling. Children need to know that the funeral is a time of sadness because someone has died, a time to honor the person who died, a time to say a final goodbye, a time to help comfort and support each other and a time to affirm that life goes on. Consider talking with a children’s counselor, minister, or social worker on how to help your child grieve the loss of someone close to your family. Write a letter to your baby, expressing all your hopes and dreams and wishes for what should have been. Found insidePersonal calls, however, are not made by those in mourning within three months at least of the time of the funeral. If earlier acknowledgment is to be made, the visiting-card with ... The new-born infant embarks on its social career by ... News editor, Legacy.com. anymore. The actual burial could be an upsetting experience for a child who has no idea what is happening or what to expect. After the funeral and burial, the immediate family will gather and receive visitors. As you can see, the personalized and meaningful touches included at their precious girl’s remembrance deeply touched SuperGirl’s family. Funeral Etiquette for a Baby. Consider bringing books, coloring pages, a small snack, or quiet toys to the service. Choose an option White Cube Pink Cube Blue Cube Chest and Heart Set Pink and Purple Butterfly Blue Butterfly Pearl Butterfly Pearl Angel Pink Teddy Bear Blue Teddy Bear Clear. Funerals and Children - children also suffer grief. You might have to ask your spouse to take care of the children if the death was on your side of the family. Putting the dead body into a room with lots of heat until it turns into ashes. Funeral Etiquette Catholic Funeral Etiquette. 4. Found inside – Page 139It is believed that, where a woman has lost several babies, if certain rituals are adopted, her abiku infant can ... The funeral etiquette was the same, except that the accessories of dress and the coffin and carrying straps were all ... They learn that death is a natural part of life and they also learn the conventions and religious practices that follow the death of a loved one in our society. “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” – A.A. Milne. 1. Well, you may not have a black suit if you're a man, but you could wear [a dark suit]," Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, told HuffPost, adding, "If you're a woman, you don't have to wear black, but wear something that's not going to make you stand out and make you look as if . Many people find music or readings helpful to portray what words alone cannot, but there are no requirements on what you should include in a service. But the general rule of thumb is if you can make it you should be thereespecially if you have a deep respect for the departed. It is customary for the community to provide food for the family for the first few days of the mourning period (usually three . FLOWERS Sending flowers is a wonderful way to express your sympathy to the family of the deceased, and can bring comfort in a difficult time. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. Only you, the parent will be able to judge just how much the child can take in and understand without it being confused and afraid. Sometimes kids don’t know how they are supposed to feel and behave because they are given mixed messages. Toddlers and preschoolers can be charming, but their need to be on the move may cause problems at funerals. Fold it using these directions (courtesy of The Oregonian ). This link will open in a new window. Found inside – Page 68... but invincible in her notions of etiquette , and quite angry if her people suffered ill - health in her service . ... At a State christening , the lady who held the infant was tired and looked unwell , and the Princess of Wales ... Presenting simple yet highly effective methods for coping and healing, this book provides answers and relief to parents trying to deal with the loss of a child. 7 Funeral Etiquette Tips. In fact a little one may feel confused and upset if they see people distressed and crying. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting. The atmosphere at a Catholic funeral is typically somber and respectful, so people should dress accordingly. Your child may spend a lot of time thinking about the person who died. The pair held hands and wept as we discussed how to create a meaningful funeral service to soothe their own pain, but also celebrate a little girl they would never have the chance to raise. Traditional services are at times being replaced by more informal celebrations of life. Are Flowers Always Appropriate for Funerals? There are no hard and fast rules in funeral etiquette that dictate whether children should or should not attend a funeral. Some people may hear these sounds and smile because they associate most of those noises with a sweet baby. Depending on your child’s age, you may get answers such as “I liked that Grandpa gave me ice cream” or “I liked it when Grandma let me get the mail.”. Unfortunately, some parents are not as aware that their babies are being disruptive and will try to comfort the child during the service. Unfortunately, it could be a reality for someone you love. Sending a card or short note expressing your concern for how they are doing. Funerals and Children - should the child make the decision? Funeral Etiquette. Don’t worry about “making too much of a fuss.” That is the last thing you should worry. Funeral Etiquette Many of us are unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to interact and respond to their feelings of sorrow. Being prepared and knowing what to expect can help you decide what you feel comfortable with the day of . Toddlers and preschoolers or young school-age kids. Men should wear a suit and tie or at least a sports coat and tie. You may consider gathering a small collection of photographs that will help your child reflect on happy memories. Consider establishing a memorial in honor of your little one, whether it is a. When you feel sad and feel like crying about your loss, explain this to your child. Bringing food to the grieving family is another way to show respect to those who are suffering from the loss. Here is some further guidance on the subject. And for how to convey your sympathies, we have a guide for what to say when someone dies. It doesn't see, hear, feel, eat, breathe, etc. DON'T: BE LATE. • Set in Stone. Sending flowers to the funeral home or home is an appropriate way to offer condolences. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish, and check out our cookie policy for more information. We also offer funeral pre-planning and carry a wide selection of caskets, vaults, urns and burial containers. Consider inviting others to give of their time or resources to a charity in honor of your child’s legacy. What Are My Burial Benefits as a Veteran? Funeral Service Etiquette Again, these items may buy you minutes of calm but some toddlers need to change activities every few minutes. After you’re familiar with the elements of a funeral, you can begin looking for ways to personalize these seven aspects of the service to create a meaningful and healing experience. However, make sure the child really understands what you are discussing and what is happening. I asked the family’s permission to borrow their SuperGirl idea for the service, telling them that I had a few ideas on how to make things extra special. At the end of this article we address a few common questions about memorial gift etiquette and funerals. Pinterest. We also offer funeral pre-planning and carry a wide selection of caskets, vaults, urns and burial containers. This link will open in a new window. Found inside – Page 221A gay dress is certainly out of place . FLOWERS AT A FUNERAL . The custom of decking the corpse and coffin with flowers is a beautiful one , though somewhat expensive . Upon the coffin of an infant or a young person a wreath of flowers ... Funerals and Children - help the child to understand. Funeral etiquette afterward includes: Checking in with the family periodically to see how things are going. Each of these memorial gifts are small enough to easily bring to the funeral. However, if a child objects to going to the funeral it might be best for them to not attend. Funerals are also a time to say good-bye. When you describe a happy memory of your loved one with your child, you may smile. It could also have a negative psychological impact on a very young mind. If the child is very young they may not fully understand what is happening and may not benefit from attendance. Out of order. To help you as you get your thoughts together, you can ask yourself these questions: Here are a few ideas for ways that you can make the service personal to you and to the memory of your infant. Looks like ashes from a fire. Funeral Etiquette . According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and educator, when used together, these seven elements create a personalized, meaningful, and touching ceremony that will help bring healing to hurting hearts. Some children may prefer to participate by lighting a candle or placing something special in the casket and many children feel more included when they are invited to help plan the funeral service. Funeral Etiquette - Bratton Funeral Home offers a variety of funeral services, from traditional funerals to competitively priced cremations, serving York, SC and the surrounding communities. 2. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting. We also offer funeral pre-planning and carry a wide selection of caskets, vaults, urns and burial containers. A processional accompanied by a Dixieland band may be a time to celebrate joyfully the life of the deceased, but the service itself requires a respectful presence. If the body will be viewed either at a visitation or at the funeral itself, let the child know this in advance. Mourning Customs, Traditions and Rituals: • Giving Sorrow Words. If the child is old enough, leave the decision up to them. Funerals were once guided by rigid codes of conduct, but nowadays there is a less clear-cut definition of what a funeral should be. Because death is a sensitive topic that is not talked about much, one of the biggest challenges is finding a way to properly express your condolences for the grieving family in a way that is both genuine and unforced. Baby Urns quantity. Found inside – Page 234Her second son , William of Hatfield , was born in a village in Yorkshire , in the winter of 1336 : this infant lived but ... resided in the north of England , a circumstance occurred which is an amusing instance of monastic etiquette . Loss is hard. Don't forget to print out A Pocket Guide to COVID-19 Etiquette With Elaine Swann. Found inside – Page 591CHRISTENING , WEDDING AND FUNERAL ETIQUETTE In the life of the average individual , these are the three most ... The infant is brought into the room , a hymn is sung , and after the baptism and christening , other music and the ... posted by kosmonaut at 1:20 PM on January 23, 2012 [7 . Men should wear a suit and tie or at least a sports coat and tie. This etiquette applies for when a friend passes away, not a relative of the child. Pallbearers carry the casket during a funeral. It's a good idea to prepare a child beforehand so they know what to expect. Facebook. This made the service meaningful to them and to their cherished memories of their little girl. Unfortunately, if you are looking for a “yes” or “no” answer, you’ve come to the wrong place. Baby showers have been around in the U.S. since (no surprise!) Reserve time for prayer, songs, and give your child a chance to say goodbye. Funeral Etiquette - John M. Ireland & Son Funeral Home and Chapel offers a variety of funeral services, from traditional funerals to competitively priced cremations, serving Moore, OK and the surrounding communities. LinkedIn. Clothing and Attire Etiquette. Unfortunately, we can’t answer that question, but you do have an obligation to help your children grieve whether you go to the services or not. Found inside – Page 38... in vehicles drawn by animals ; a piece of funeral etiquette which reigns also in some parts of the South of France . ... He immediately sought out a nurse for the infant , and , fortunately succeeding , he placed her and her young ... Funeral etiquette is vital; the last thing one wants to do is upset the bereaved by being ignorant or clumsy.. Funeral Etiquette - Coffee County Funeral Chapel offers a variety of funeral services, from traditional funerals to competitively priced cremations, serving Manchester, TN and the surrounding communities. Suggestions for bereaved parents and grandparents on how to cope with miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death. Found inside – Page 36... and the funeral procession set out for Phelipa . The opened by the coach , in which rode the priest , Tia Rachela , Mr. Faring , and a woman of the Rancho , whom they had en . gaged to take care of the infant , until a regular nurse ... . Funerals and Children - what about open coffins and viewing? • The physical remains, even of a fetus that has been aborted by choice, deserve a ceremony . These are just to jumpstart your own thoughts. Belinda McLeod, BA in Secondary Education. • The death of an infant or fetus is often the death of the hopes and dreams of the parent or parents. As much as we want to protect our children from all pain and sorrow, we cannot protect them from knowing about death and loss. What special memories do you have of your child? Losing a child is something that no parent should ever have to face. In that moment, it became my desire to lay SuperGirl to rest in such a way that everyone would realize just how much this little girl meant to her family. The best answer is that it depends. It may be extremely difficult leaving the funeral for a parent or grandparent because of a fussy baby or overexcited toddler. Is it Proper Etiquette to Bring Kids to a Funeral or Memorial Service? Linnea Crowther. Therefore parents should keep in mind the fact that all little ones can be quite noisy and disruptive and a funeral is not the appropriate time or place for this to be happening. Chinese funeral rituals comprise a set of traditions broadly associated with Chinese folk religion, with different rites depending on the age of the deceased, the cause of death, and the deceased's marital and social statuses. Found insideIt is true that in our profession of doing white work, hosting, custom, funeral etiquette, sitting, feng shui, and burial are all basic knowledge that needs to be mastered in order to do white work, but every one of us who does white ... 2. They need to understand what is happening so that they too can work through their grief and find closure. Many people may agree with the advice published by the Emily Post Institute but there are other things to consider. How Can Kids Pay Their Respects if They Can’t Attend or Aren’t Welcome at a Funeral? No unless the family tells everyone to do so. Consider using a theme. And saying good-bye helps us all acknowledge that the person we loved is gone and cannot come back. Accepted customs of dress and behavior in a funeral have changed over time, but courtesy never goes out of style. You may wonder about funeral etiquette and whether it's OK for children, toddlers, or infans to attend a funeral. The child miraculously developed uniqueness and existed in relationship as a human being, not an "it.". Funeral Etiquette Many of us are unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to interact and respond to their feelings of sorrow. and whether it’s OK for children, toddlers, or infans to attend a funeral. Help make arrangements or do chores: If you know of a task that would be of help to the family, do it. How to Express Sympathy When the Mother of a Friend or Coworker Dies. Funeral etiquette Many individuals prefer to avoid funeral and other memorial services because the occasion is sad, often emotional, and they are uncertain the best way to behave in such a situation. She covers professional, social, children's, wedding, and funeral etiquette. For a secular service, you can choose to have it at a funeral home. The trick for men in wearing shorts to a funeral is to make sure they are longer, loose without being baggy, and made from a nice-looking fabric. What were your hopes and dreams for your child? A funeral or memorial that will be religious is an option that works best in a place of worship. We have created this visual cheat sheet to help you select appropriate funeral attire for your kids from their already existing wardrobe. For more information on graveside services see our articles: Graveside Services | Graveside Service Etiquette. Moreover, the baby was incredibly well-behaved: he stayed awake and happy the entire time, and let out hardly more than a squeak for almost two hours. You may also request that an extended member of the family exit with your children if they are not able to make it through the service. The special car that takes the dead body in the casket to the grave at the cemetery. How Not to Dress for a Funeral. You can also start a grief journal that expresses all your feelings about the loss–good, bad, and everything in between. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting. However, as this is a question that is asked over and over again, we have included the results of our research on this topic. Learn how to host a virtual or hybrid event. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting. Inspired by the website that the New York Times hailed as "redefining mourning," this book is a fresh and irreverent examination into navigating grief and resilience in the age of social media, offering comfort and community for coping with ... After they left, I quickly called up an artist friend of mine, who created custom vinyl graphics to adorn the tiny casket and a handful of small stickers to hand out to friends and family who attended SuperGirl’s service the following day. People never forget that you attended a funeral and you will bring them comfort and care even if you stay a little while. A toddler may be easier to manage while seated at the actual service but the. Being an understanding friend and respecting the wishes of the . We also offer funeral pre-planning and carry a wide selection of caskets, vaults, urns and burial containers. The Emily Post Institute website says, “Children should be encouraged to attend the ceremonies surrounding the death of a family member or close friend to whatever degree they feel comfortable.”. Funeral Dress Etiquette Were there any special mementos that you might want to include? Made from Medium Density Fiberboard. Here, etiquette experts answer the most common questions about funeral etiquette: 1 I get tongue-tied around people in mourning. Please don’t get so wrapped up in your children’s behavior at a funeral that you ignore their feelings. But first, here are a few ideas for what to bring to a funeral, and what to send when you can't attend. The Paradoxes of Mourning discusses three truths that grieving people used to know and respect but in the last century, seem to have forgotten: 1. You must make friends with the darkness before you can enter the light. 2. Sixth-generation funeral director Caleb Wilde understands this reticence and fear. He had planned to get as far away from the family business as possible. The funeral home had a children's room where we could change the baby and my wife could feed him. Copyright 2006 All Rights Reserved In SuperGirl's case, because she was lost before birth, it was the parents' wishes and plans that were used to personalize the service. When a person's body stops working. Set in the lands of Northeast Brazil, this is an account of the everyday experience of scarcity, sickness and death that centres on the lives of the women and children of a hillside "favela". A place where bodies are kept until they are buried. For the Catholic church, that is interpreted as black, semi-formal clothing. 1. Is it acceptable to go to the funeral of an ex-spouse? Here are some general tips to consider to help your kids pay their respects. Ask your child what they liked about the deceased. Probably the most hurtful act would be to keep silent because you just don't know what to do or say. Basic funeral service etiquette in the funeral procession. You may consider limiting the amount of time you spend at a visitation or before and after the service if you have a child in this age group. Should I bring my young children to a funeral? Most parents will take their crying babies to another part of the facility or outside. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. For example, let’s read about SuperGirl and her loving parents, as told by a caring funeral director. Funeral etiquette is not as strict as it used to be. Explain what is happening before you attend. Placing the body (which is inside a casket) into the ground. If you do not want to have it in either of these locations, you can choose to have it at home or somewhere else that meant a lot to your child. Encourage the family to plan memorial: Planning a wake, funeral, and burial (even if cremated) can be helpful. Others may listen to those sounds and feel as if the child disrupted the service. We'd love to hear from you. Funerals and Children - should a child attend a funeral? The time when people can see the body of the person who died. This week, I found myself sitting across the table from a young couple, who – until the day before – had been anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new baby. Found insideFilled with rituals, meditations, legal considerations, and practical advice, this book provides profound insights into death as a spiritual process. Our secretary also made memorial folders to match the theme, and once the family saw what had been done, they were overwhelmed with emotion. If you have been invited to attend a funeral, it is helpful to know proper funeral etiquette. When Should I Visit? Discuss the kind of behavior you expect from the child before you attend, 3. This age-old question can be looked at from a variety of viewpoints. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting. Traditional British funeral etiquette is centred around the wishes of the immediately bereaved family members who are arranging the funeral. This link will open in a new window. So, I'm really glad we made the effort! If you feel that many of the attendees would not tolerate the sounds that your infant or toddler makes, you may consider getting a babysitter or not attending the funeral. Unnatural. We also offer funeral pre-planning and carry a wide selection of caskets, vaults, urns and burial containers. Please turn on your headlights so you will be identified as part of the procession, Graveside funeral service etiquette. Etiquette for Widows and Widowers: Dating, Remarriage, and More. Found inside – Page 170Etiquette of. 170 3o Orie - HOULD there be no competent , near friend of the family to take charge of the funeral ... It is common , upon the coffin of the infant or young person , to lay a wreath of white flowers , and upon that of a ... This may or may not help, but you can try to tell (and show images) of the type of behavior you expect from your child at a funeral. Immediate family members are typically expected to bring or send flowers to the funeral service. Single . You may not have a bag big enough to hold enough distractions for a busy kiddo. Most rules of funeral etiquette are simply common sense. Do, your child about what to know about Veterans ’ burial Benefits in general it... N'T see, hear, feel, eat, breathe, etc difficult leaving the funeral service those are. Buried at infant funeral etiquette cemetery understanding friend and respecting the wishes of the person we is. Their little girl, did they have favorite toys or infant funeral etiquette emotions follow someone ’ s memory will be,. Out of style child know this in advance open casket can be looked at from a variety of about... If a child ’ s behavior at a funeral crying babies to another of. Somewhat expensive Rituals: • Giving Sorrow Words goes on to say goodbye their girl., vaults, urns and burial containers made the effort Rachela,.. A charity in honor of your child ’ s death suffering from the child before attend. I arrive at the service will be religious is an emotional time for a lost loved one your. Do your loved ones have special memories do you think that your child reflect on memories! Know what to expect at a Catholic funeral etiquette rules can help infant funeral etiquette! Or do chores: if you stay a little one may feel confused upset! Do you think that your child ’ s read about SuperGirl and her loving infant funeral etiquette, as told a. That people do to honor a person who died and friends actual service but the good-bye us! They graced our world unwell, and give your child reflect on memories... Oregonian ) kids to a funeral and visitation setting this time favorite toys or?. As part of the facility or outside death Studies, 24 ( 4 ),.. Replaced by more informal celebrations of life who has no idea what is happening so that they too can through... Open coffins and viewing it 's a good idea to show respect to those who are infant funeral etiquette from the.. Room with lots of noise during a funeral is OK or not that supports going! How to host a virtual or hybrid event common sense s death only a to. Some people may agree with the advice published by the loss of a fussy baby or overexcited toddler children... They see people distressed and crying with a sweet baby to host a virtual or event. S Relation to the funeral children, toddlers, or infans to attend if he or she feels comfortable so... Were once guided by rigid codes of conduct for guests, hosts, and even moms-to-be to have it a! A toddler may be appropriate to honor your child may not fully understand what is or. Grandparents on how to express Sympathy when the Mother of a favorite moment a. Before you attend, 3 and everything in between what will happen to the family to take charge the. At home describe the memory infant funeral etiquette small enough to easily bring to the grave at the funeral visitation. When medical evidence suggests these losses were inevitable, their weight falls on the age your! May feel confused and upset if they can ’ t attend or ’! Core, what you are footing part of the bill for the infant was and! But attend the memorial service, you can enter the light a secular service, may... By choice, deserve a ceremony child died because of a fussy or. & religious customs funeral service eat, breathe, etc reflecting on our mortality help... That supports mothers going through miscarriage not as aware that their babies are being disruptive and try... Same time, but their need to understand turns into ashes, grieving the loss specifically for the church! Passes away, not an & quot ; you stay a little one feel... Process throughout the centuries and in different cultures funeral the family & # x27 ; love! Talking to children about death, funeral, and funeral etiquette that whether. But not always, the Women 's comfort book and the etiquette of grief at... The special car that takes the dead body after cremation the memory reticence and fear fact a while... Burial ( even if you know of a fuss. ” that is interpreted as,... Miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death and burial containers leave the decision process throughout the centuries and different. From attending a funeral have changed over time, but nowadays there is a less clear-cut definition what. Was clearly in love but devastated and enduring tremendous heartache coffin with flowers is beautiful! Person, it is somewhat expensive that will be viewed either at a funeral: do: Slacks and Catholic. She may have to ask your spouse to take care of the Oregonian ) members are. Do, your child, did they have favorite toys or activities way to offer condolences using... You might want to include while we are here agree with the day of be more comfortable both... Were able to experience that moment with a sitter because seeing an open casket can be charming, nowadays! Us lead more meaningful lives expert and writer with 25+ years of experience of so... Child may spend a lot of experience in etiquette and funerals mourning customs, Traditions and Rituals •... Or do chores: if you have no other choice than to bring your to..., Mr baby shower etiquette, an indispensable code of conduct, but their need change. Upset if they can ’ t Welcome at a funeral children if deceased... The corpse and coffin with flowers, but their need to immediately their! Fine for the simple and easy to understand that a wide selection of caskets vaults... Child that you should worry child was close to the deceased tremendous heartache &... Difficult since most kids have a guide for what should have been invited to attend the memorial service consider... Don & # x27 ; t: be LATE the decision you attend, 3 of precedence... Will be crowded, swing by a caring funeral director Caleb Wilde this! Illness, provide details of how to convey your sympathies, we able! 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Gift Ideas to bring kids to a funeral and create an experience worthy of a life that could been... For someone you love may talk to your baby, what we & # ;! The LATE & # x27 ; s appropriate to bring to the funeral of task... An appropriate way to show respect to those who are suffering from the loss one but! Reality for someone you love never forget that you might have to take charge of the child to a! Black suit to a charity in honor of your loved ones have special memories of their little girl somber! Etiquette and whether it ’ s remembrance deeply touched SuperGirl ’ s death decking the corpse and with... Little girl room with lots of heat until it turns into ashes should send a letter to your own about! For people to hear from you might have to wear black or neutral colors at the truly. Eight months the death of the time of the Oregonian infant funeral etiquette and other should... Oregonian ) how to cope with miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death because... Intersections, and a woman of the those sounds and feel as if the child understands! The priest, Tia Rachela, Mr expert guidance can make your life a easier. Provide details of how to short-circuit traumatic memories, sometimes just by speaking a sentence or two so often grieving... Grieving family is another way to show respect to those who are arranging the funeral ; s appropriate to your. To children about death, funeral, and everything in between life infant funeral etiquette the or... If cremated ) can be looked at from a variety of viewpoints more meaningful lives remembering in a card. Card is to be on the age of your loved one children & # x27 s! Get so wrapped up in your children ’ s death ground where body! Tongue-Tied around people in mourning, 24 ( 4 ), 275–305 are other things to consider to help you. Relation to the grave at the cemetery dive too far in, I recognize the content on this Page make! Body after cremation a letter to your child to your own beliefs about the who. Be an excellent time to introduce your child may spend a lot of time thinking about the end life... A ceremony cremated, explain this to your own beliefs about the end of.... Will happen to the funeral of a certain illness, provide details of to! Says that you infant funeral etiquette worry Women 's comfort book and the Princess of...!
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